So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
