Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
