He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
