we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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