I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
