i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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