i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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