We won't sleep together?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
