Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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