Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
