What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
