I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I deserve this hangover.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
