She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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