did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
