I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
