I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
do herpes really smell.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
