Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
areolas are like halos for boobs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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