if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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