Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
