No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
