No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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