so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
