allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
