I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
