i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize