i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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