At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize