omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
