theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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