I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
where are you?
Hypothermia
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
