Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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