Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
