ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
