I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
