You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
