I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
