You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize