I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
