I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
