I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
