Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
