What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
