what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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