News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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