I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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