He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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