Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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