did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
