Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
