i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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