i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm always down for nudity.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
