Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
