I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
another moral hangover. fuck.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
