tell your sister to shave her snatch
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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