Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
