And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
