I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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