oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
