youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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