waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have aggressive nipples.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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