I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
