I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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