Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
