fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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