So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
