Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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