And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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