Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
