I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
