piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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