I puked a lego.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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