apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
