then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
