It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
