Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
this is an emotional support booty call
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
