there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
